Friday, January 30, 2009

Word Count

I've been slowly building up my Starbucks order and I think it's reached a certain level of yuppie-cachet. I started with Venti Mocha. But, unfathomably, a Venti only has two shots of espresso. There are two in a Grande! So it's just a large watered down double shot. Lame. Ok, so I added and extra shot of espresso and made it a Triple Venti Mocha. That's more like it.

But wait, isn't the sweetness a little excessive? I accept that a Starbucks coffee, both in calories and in price, needs to substitute for a meal. But should it substitute for a meal AND a dessert? My sister orders a three-pump (as opposed to the standard five-pump). I tried that... but it seems like we were getting a little carried away with the reasonableness of that. Let's instead go for a Triple Venti Four-Pump Mocha. Mmmm, yummy.

But wait, why have a Mocha when you can have a Peppermint Mocha! And why have a Peppermint Mocha when you can have a Peppermint Mocha Twist with peppermint flavor in the whipped cream too! So make it a Triple Venti Four-Pump Peppermint Mocha Twist!

But wait, have you noticed that lately the coffee is lukewarm before you can drink the first third? I think they somehow reduced how hot they make it to start with... Aha! You can ask for it to be extra-hot! It is with great excitement that I'm settling on the Triple Venti Four-Pump Peppermint Mocha Twist Extra Hot!

At least for now.

p.s. The time I sent my husband inside to make this order (my boots were KILLING my feet!), I just couldn't bear to part with anything but the "Four-Pump". He walked up to the counter and said, "Um, my wife sent me in to order and I have a string of words that I don't know what they mean. Can you help me?" But hey, the coffee turned out perfect!


  1. If you were standing in front of me in line and I heard you order Triple Venti Four-Pump Peppermint Mocha Twist Extra Hot, I would be so intimidated.

    p.s. Tall Mocha Frappacino No Whip for me, thanks. :)

  2. You forgot about the foam!!!! The foam is so yummy, so just add "dry" to that. Personally, I order a Triple Venti Three-Pump Dry Cinnamon Dulce Latte Extra Hot. Although I tend to simplify it down to a "Triple Venti Three-Pump Cinnamon Dulce Latte" when I'm having my hubby pick up a drink for me.

  3. By the way, Deanna, I accidentally made my latte with your extra bold junk this morning and then I had to do all sorts of experimenting to get it to taste edible! Uh Oh, I'm a big coffee snob, aren't I?

  4. That's sooo sad! Don't malign the extra bold!

  5. rainylakechick, you are making me feel so important as a coffee orderer... ;)