Family Game Night

It's just Candyland, but it's a start! I love games. My family has played cards at every family gathering my whole life. When we were little, the adults would play Pinochle or 42 (a game with dominoes that is played like Spades or Hearts) and the four cousins would play Hearts. My sister and I were four years apart and our two cousins were three years apart - one my age and one older. When we started my sister was so young she could barely follow the rules, much less a strategy, so we paired her up with the older cousin. It evened out, except when they cheated, hee hee. Well, it probably evened out then too. Later we moved up to Pinochle, a game I still love. When we visit my parents or my parents visit here we play 42.  When my Granny gets to come along we play 5-handed Pinochle.  When it's my parents and my in-laws (or my sister and her husband) together with us, we play 6-handed Pinochle.  There's nothing better than a few games of 42 to get everyone really laughing.  It's some of our best times and best memories as a family.

Won't it be fun when my own kids get old enough for a family game night more complex than Candyland? I know kids start getting less interested in games with their parents as they get older but I'm not above making a rule they have to play. They'll thank us for it later, right? Not to wish these days away - I am in love with how cute an age Sammy is at right now, and Zack is learning so much every day. But I'm thinking later will be really cool too.

In the Next Moment...

We're having some pretty days here so we took some time just to go to the park and hang out. After this picture was taken, Zack shimmied over this limb to the higher section at the upper right of the photo. He hung there for a good long while until I decided he must be stuck and headed over to see if he'd like some help getting down. I was going to be discreet and not embarrass him in front of the bigger boy who had climbed another part of the same tree, really I was!

But when I was still fifteen feet away, he just jumped. I don't think this photo conveys how high it really was.  He landed on his feet but the impact of the landing crumpled him into a little accordion fold of a boy.  I gasped out loud and another mother gave a short little shriek.  Then he popped up with a mouthful of dirt, bark embedded into his forehead, and big smile.  I picked the bark out of his skin, which left a little puncture underneath, he spit out the dirt and the other mother offered me a defibrillator for myself. 

We've since set some firm guidelines on heights too high for jumping.

Choices Dinner at Whole Foods

Zack and James had a long discussion that started with Zack saying that he likes sweet treats because he get to choose them himself (in actuality, he will gladly have any sweet item dictated to him. I think it's pretty clear that he likes treats because they are sweet). But, the conversation turned to how he likes food best when he gets to choose it himself. Makes sense, right? I like to choose things myself.

Zack does a good job of eating a wide variety of foods, but even so the path isn't always smooth. James saw it as a fun opportunity, so we planned a dinner of choosing and headed to Whole Foods. We got a cart and circled the produce section, the meat and fish counters with their little set-in eating areas, the bakery, the cheese counter, and the whole extended deli/food bars. We circled the whole place before trying to decide anything. At that point, the one flaw in our plan became apparent: Sammy was in agony seeing the food and not eating any yet! But, we made it through the challenge of actually selecting and purchasing some food and had a really fun dinner.

We sat outside in the failing light, overlooking the little playscape. James got an entree and two sides at the hot counter. Sammy and I split a mixed selection from the by-the-pound food bars. Zack choose a rice pilaf all his own and shared some of Daddy's food. There was a beautiful sunset. We let Sammy loose on the playscape. Zack spotted a green parrot in a mesquite tree (!). And then we went back and chose some treats to top it all off - giant gormet gumdrops for Zack and Daddy and a Chinese Five Spice Chocolate Truffle for me. I've been dreaming of that truffle ever since.

And, I have to show you this sign: Could they have been thinking of me?

Restart Button

Little angels, aren't they?

Sure. Sweet boys, both of them. But lately...

Lately my brain feels like it's been fractured into little pieces by the simultaneous fussing of two children. How do people with three and four (and more) handle it? It's not that the boys are fussing all the time. It's that when they are, it's both of them. It isn't a feeling of scatterbrained (though as you heard yesterday, I can be that!), it's that I feel like a person with a broken half of a brain and a half-portion (or less) of patience and consistency. I know we all go through ups and downs with the discipline thing, but it feels like this down is specifically driven by the progression from one kid and a baby to two kids. Two mobile, hungry (I don't mean that metaphorically), interested, demanding kids.

My discipline philosophy has always depended on trying to say only what I'm willing to follow through with, apply consequences the first time, and be calm myself. But lately, I'm not calm; I'm repeating myself and just fussing (or worse, yelling) as the response to poor behaviour.

*Sigh*

What does a mommy do when she hates the sound of the words coming out of her mouth? I'm crushed when I hear myself saying, "I've told you that over and over!" or "Why would you do that!? What is wrong with you?", but at that time I'm still so frustrated that the sorrow doesn't creep in until later. My faith tells me that patience and the perseverance to be consistent don't have to come from my will-power, but they can't come without my willingness to turn around and take a different path.

Time to hit the restart button. Which is a nice way of saying I have to face that this isn't what I want and surrender to the practices it takes to get what I really do want. Today I'm returning to what's been so good for us. So that when the scene looks more like this:

(yes, that is my purse dumped and my sunglasses Sammy is squishing. And that's Zack's "crazy-acting" self-portrait), I can be calm.

Roller Coaster

Is four and a half the start of an emotional age? Or is this just the up and down swing of things? Or maybe this is rubbing off from Mommy.

Because check out what I found on the Magnadoodle today. It says: "I FEL GrAtE I AM TOO HAPPY EVUN ZACK". Yesterday it said " I AM ZACK I AM SaD EVUN SaDR". Apparently he was even sadder than his originally declared sad. A few days ago we heard a lot about how he was "angry and even too angry for myself".

Most recently of all, it was, "Mom, I am stressed." I asked him if he knew what stressed meant and he said, "Yes, it's when all-people are telling you to do stuff". Not bad, really. Certainly feels familiar.

On one hand I think it's pretty great for him to be identifying and expressing emotions. On the other hand, it feels a bit daunting to consider trying to guide him through working out this stuff, considering that I think I might be on the same roller coaster! A while back we started using a pre-set list of choices to deal with overwhelming emotions. For example, we'd say, "when you are frustrated with something, you can (1) take a deep breath and try again (2) ask for help or (3) take a break from it".

Now, what am I supposed to tell him for "stressed"? I think I'd better work on that, for all of our sakes.

Advice for the Mother-to-be

A dear friend's baby shower is this weekend and we have a little card on which we are supposed to bring advice for the mother-to-be. In general, I ought to be stopping myself from giving advice, not encouraging myself. It's so hard to not be be a jerk when advice-giving, for one thing. One person's "encouraging" is the next Mamma's "disapproving" or "bossy" and vice versa. And what I can relate to depends so heavily on the situation of the moment. One day everything looks sunny and I can't remember the times when life is so hard; the next everything is falling apart and I can't imagine getting it together. And really, do I want there to be written evidence of my advice?

But, I hate to be a party pooper so I'm trying to work on it. I think everyone knows in their head that just loving your children is more important than all of the "how"s. But do you find that "just love them" doesn't cut it on the rough days? Are there things that bring us peace when we don't think we're doing a good job? As I'm thinking about the essence of what made baby two so much easier than baby one, I'm thinking of these things:

Remind yourself that you are doing a good job. Everybody worries about not doing it right and nobody has it all together - even if it looks like they do.
Ask for help. Accept help when it's offered. You don't need to "accomplish something" today. Caring for the baby IS accomplishing something.
It doesn't hurt the baby to cry for a few minutes. If it breaks your heart, try reminding yourself that it's normal. If it doesn't break your heart that's just fine; you are still a good mom.
If nothing is working, take the baby outside. If nothing else, you can be waiting in the driveway when someone else arrives home.
Talk to the baby and narrate the day.
Take some moments just for yourself.

I guess those are the things I tell myself.

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I'm amending this post to tell you what they did with the advice, since it was such a neat idea! They had a prepared eight by eight inch scrapbook (simple pages - decorative paper with one embellishment in most cases, possibly from a kit). Each page had a spot marked to put your 4x6 card with your advice. The cards themselves had a decorative border so they added to the look. You slipped your own card into a page when you arrived, so that by the end of the party, they had a complete album to send home with Mommy-to-be! It was neat to flip through and read people's advice. I love that it was ready to go at the time of the shower, rather than having to be put together later.

Phew!

I'm nothing less than thrilled to report that Zack has a preschool for next year! This has caused me a bit of angst the past week or so. I had thought I would keep him at his current school. We're happy with the program and while it's a bit far from our house, it's on our way at least half the time. But, when I mentioned it, James reminded me that we had thought that we would increase the number of days he goes to school this last year before kindergarten. It had sounded like a fine idea when he was two and I needed a break. But now that he's four and on the verge of school... But James wanted me to at least look into it, so I said ok. After all, Zack has been stalking around at home, wanting more kids to play with.

I had a day chosen to look into it, but I ended up doing some research into some other stuff (which we haven't followed up on, *sigh*), then I got busy with Sammy's party and didn't work on it again. Finally, I got back on task with the preschool thing. I found several programs and sent a lot of emails, but I discovered that most three-day programs are (well, duh!) on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I have a Bible study on Tuesdays so if I continued that he would be down to only ONE weekday at home.

I woke up in the middle of the night upset about the idea of him being gone so much when he's already going to be in school next year. I couldn't sleep thinking about it. I tossed and turned and prayed and woke up James. By morning I was convinced I want him to stay in two-day preschool. I could provide more learning opportunities at home than I have been.

I went in to register him but they were full. Not just full but already had a waiting list. NOW I was upset in the other direction, thinking about him not getting into any program! He loves school. He's a social kid, always wanting to go go go and to learn. I hated the thought of screwing up and not having him a spot.

I finally heard back from a Monday, Tuesday, Thursday program at another school that had been my first choice when I started him at his current school (he hadn't gotten past the waiting list there at the time). They end an hour earlier, which is not great for Sammy's nap schedule, but I think it will be really good for Zack. More days but not many more hours. He's excited; I'm relieved.

Meanwhile, this has gotten me thinking that I can really be doing more projects with him. He's old enough to be able to do a bunch of the stuff that was just too frustrating when he didn't have the dexterity or the concentration to try it. So, I've been trying to pull a few projects out, particularly during Sammy's nap.

Yesterday, it was playdough. I wrote the recipe very simply so that with a little help Zack could read it and tell me what he needed. I helped him measure but he got to do a lot of it.

Need the recipe? Here is our easy-read version!

Playdough
Mix in a pan:
1 c flour
1 c water
1 t cream of tartar
1/2 c salt
1 T oil

Cook and stir 3 minutes until it gums up.

Knead in food coloring.

Enjoy!

One Year!

Happy First Birthday, Sammy!

This weekend we had a party for Sammy's first birthday. It was a come and go brunch on Saturday morning. We scheduled it that way for a couple of reasons. First, the kid birthday party circuit can get to be a little much. It seems that once you have a couple of kids in this age range, there are birthday parties every weekend, sometimes more than one, and it can feel like it's taking over. So, while we wanted to celebrate, we wanted to make it easy on our friends too. Also, for a while now James has been wanting to have a of get-together that includes people from different aspects of our lives. This was a broad invitation list and we wanted to be able to manage the food and space. Finally, those are much better hours for Sammy than traditional party times.

We had just under forty people, but only two days before the count was just under sixty. So, we had a wee bit extra food (not to worry, it has a destination that is not the trash can!). I forced myself to keep the menu simple, so even with the large group it was one of the easiest menus I've done: we had pumpkin spice and 7-up cake, various fruit and quiche. The quiche was a modification from a recipe of my sister's. Everything was prepared the afternoon before with help with the kids and food from James' parents. The platters were arranged the morning of the party (and here I am doing it before I've got my makeup on!). Since nothing had to be cooked that morning or kept hot, it made for a low stress party morning.

The quiche was my favorite, so I'm sharing the recipe below. It's flexible and easy (don't let the length of the ingredient list fool you). We keep eating it and it's still good. A double recipe fed our just under forty (some adults, some children) at a come and go party. (Unfortunately, I made more than a double recipe, but as I said, it has a home to go to.) Sammy loves it too!

This was a fun party. It was nice to have revolving door of all sorts of friends. We were focused on Sammy's milestone, which makes sense of course. But it struck me that several people remarked that we had made it a full year. Or even that I had made it a full year. I hadn't thought of it that way, but it's true. There are lots of important moments in the first year, but some of the days are long. There haven't been as many evenings that I was waiting for James in the driveway, ready to hand off the baby, as there were with Zack... but there have been some. And some rough nights, and some moments of frustration that I just don't know what to do for him. One thing I've loved about Zack is that it just keeps getting better. Part of it is that I loooove for him to be able to feed himself, dress himself, take himself potty (hallelujah), but also that he's growing into a truly interesting person. And while I've been told that the trend doesn't necessarily continue indefinitely (really? Thirteen isn't a universal delight?), in the last few weeks we've started to see more movement, more discovery and more communication from Sammy. It's awakened a sense that he's really developing, learning and doing more and more. Now that is something to celebrate!

Finally, there were party favors, but that will have to be a separate post!

Sausage Quiche
Serves 8 for a meal or 20 for snacks

1/2 lb. breakfast sausage
1/2 medium onion, chopped
1/2 bell pepper, chopped
1 clove garlic, minced
1 roma tomato, chopped
1 1/2 c. sharp cheddar, shredded
1T flour
6 eggs, beaten
12 oz. evaporated milk
1-4 T parsley, minced
3/4 t seasoned salt
1/4 t garlic salt
1 t black pepper

crust: 1 1/3 c flour, 1/2 t salt, 1/2 c butter (cold), 4 T ice water

For the crust, mix the flour, salt and butter in the food processor until it looks like coarse crumbs. Pour in the ice water with the processor running until the dough comes together as a ball. Press* into a greased 10" pie pan or 7x11" dish (I line the dish with wax paper so I can pull the whole thing out for easy cutting).

Brown the sausage and remove from pan. Cook the vegetables in the same pan. Toss together the cheese and flour, then mix with the sausage and veggies. Spread over the crust.

Mix the eggs, evaporated milk and spices. Pour over sausage mix. Bake at 375 for 40 minutes or until the center is set. Serve warm or chill and cut, then serve at room temperature.

To reheat, place cut pieces on a cookie sheet in a 375 oven eight minutes or until they sizzle.

*No need to roll this out on a board and transfer. The texture is slightly better if you do, but I don't think it's worth the extra trouble (sorry you bakers who are shuddering). I just press it in the pan and it's fine!

Whew.

Nine hours is a lotta wedding coordinating for one day. I'm beat.

But, I did get a sense of what it's like to come in after a long day to kiddos who need hugged and bathed and put to bed. When I was driving home, I found myself thinking that I was so tired that surely James would do the lion's share of the bedtime routine. Then I realized that if it doesn't work that way on James' workdays.... ahem.

But, when I walked in to Yay, Mommy's home! and big smiles, I really did get a second wind. I didn't mind handling the baths on my own, even when Sammy tried to stand up in the tub and immediately fell and started burbling blood (minor, cleaned up much more quickly that it looked like it was going to). Funny to be seeing things from another perspective. Nevertheless, I'm glad they are in bed.

Now for some feet-up time!

WIN!

My four year old son has suddenly figured out that he strongly prefers to win. When he turned three, he didn't have this. It's new.

For his third birthday, his grandmother gave him Candyland. Many people have played it with him (thanks, yall, I know you're taking one for the team...) and they are really good about not just letting him win. We started this very first game as a you-win-some-you-loose-some proposition, and it was fine. We were hoping it would develop in to an equanimity about winning or loosing, an enjoyment of the game for the fun of playing, an ability to be happy for the winner whether or not it is you. That worked for a while.

Today James and I were realizing that we've now had a couple of complete meltdowns when Zack said "Let's see who can get up the stairs first!" and he wasn't the winner of this important race. I guess the problem with that particular contest is that we're old and slow and couldn't physically accomplish you-win-some-you-loose-some.

A few weeks ago James took him to a high school football game, just for the fun of going (and, I think, for the snacks). Zack was very interested in who should win. They decided to pick a team and cheer for them and when the team won (in overtime!), Zack was thrilled.

Two weeks ago, when the Longhorns played Texas Tech, I think he was as shell shocked at the last minute loss as I was. We tried to say "Oh, it was a good game, it's fun to win, but we can handle it when we don't win." Maybe our hearts weren't in it.

And then we had this conversation on the morning of Wednesday, November 5:

Mommy, who did I vote for?

Me: You didn't exactly vote, honey, but you were a good helper when we went to vote and they did give you your own sticker.
But did I vote for Mr. McCain?

Me: Sweetie, you didn't vote for either. Remember how old you have to be to vote?

Eighteen. Eighteen and I'm only four. Yeah.

Me: But would you like to know who won the election?

Yes, yes I would!

Me: Barak Obama won the election, so now we call him the President-Elect. That means he was elected and will be the president soon.

Oh, Ok. So. So, I voted for Mr. Obama.

Ah, revisionist history. I don't think he's alone in this one.

I don't think we can blame school for this. It's possible that we should blame our football watching. But, I think it's more like human nature. And, not to let Zack's parents off the hook too easily, but it's better than the alternative of apathy. It just isn't better than the alternative of working to win and loving others regardless. I guess our job turns out to be much harder than just not letting him win.

Maybe that's not all bad, because I really can't make it up the stairs before him.

New lunch plan

We're trying a new plan for lunch at school this year. So far it's been great, so I better go ahead and write about it while it's still working.

The old plan:
47 ziplock baggies
loose in the backpack
at room temperature

When we had shopped for a Zack lunchbox last year, everything was huge and covered with some commercial character. I know it's strange, but I don't like commercial characters for my kids clothing, gear and toys. I don't want my (at the beginning of last school year) still two year old sporting an Incredible Hulk lunchbox. And every lunchbox was so big it wouldn't fit in his backpack. Since we are already hauling a napmat (WHY did I have to get the extra thick one?), sippy cup and backpack, we were dangerously close to bringing a pile of gear larger than the gear's owner.

Thus, the lunch ended up being all items I didn't mind keeping at room temperature and all in ziplock bags. The constant stream of ziplock bags was making me feel guilty and the contents of the ziplock bags were making me feel hypocritical, since I have an ongoing rant about the foods considered "kids' food".

The new plan:
reusable containers
insulated lunchbox with ice pack

This year I found a small lunchbox that fits in Zack's backpack. I even got a matching ice pack! Thanks to the Container Store, we found a variety of containers tiny enough to pack small amounts of multiple items for lunch.

Here's the great part - Zack and I sat down with a piece of scrap paper and his crayons and drew out what a variety of foods means. Not exactly a food pyramid, more like a mixed plate. And we decided that if he was going to choose a variety of items for his lunch, then he could choose a sweet item to finish the meal. We had to limit the sweet items, since the school asks that we not send candy, etc., to items like a piece of granola bar, "apple treats" (little does he know apple treats are just dried apples), caramel dip for his fruit or kettle corn. I give him choices from each category, with dips or sauces in the tiny containers, and he has some ownership in what the foods are.

The first day of the mixed plate, he ate his sweet finish with out actually finishing anything else.

"But I asked my teacher if I could eat it. I told her I hadn't eaten my lunch and she still said I could eat it."

So, it became an additional lesson on using integrity and judgment. Now, he's been eating the lunch - including the vegetables - or bringing home some items including his sweet and eating them for a snack. I'm thrilled, at least for now. We'll see how it goes the rest of the year.

Two Things

Here are a couple of things I'm loving about being a mamma.

1. The certainty that each of my kids is his own little person. Zack decided his age was three-and-a-whole. No one told him that. We had switched from saying "three and a half" to saying "almost four" or "four in september", but he had his own mind on the matter and no one was going to change it for him. Not much risk though, since most people had no idea what he was saying!
2. The wonder of seeing them comprehend something I didn't think they could. Last night I was holding Sammy as we tried to convince ourselves to wrap up our fun conversations and head home. It was late and I knew we needed to get going. My friend April saw Sammy chewing on his fingers and said, "Aw, I think he's hungry." I looked at Sammy and he looked up at me and I said "I know sweetie, but we're going to wait until we get home to eat." Sammy put up the most awful frown and CRIED! He did not like that answer! At seven months, I'm astounded that he knew exactly what was going down. I love those moments when I realize I've been selling their understanding short.
   

p.s. on the Sweetness

It continues. Zack didn't mind with his coloring book at the VERY BEGINNING of church today. I sadly put it away, all the while wracking my brain for some reason to give it back to him. I really thought that it was all going to fall apart if he had to sit through the whole service with no coloring. I mean, who is going to suffer, here? That's right, Mommy! But, despite my attempts to talk myself out of the situation, I managed to leave the crayons put away with no lecture from me, just the consequences talking.

I'm still amazed, but it worked out perfectly. He was well behaved and by the end of the service, the sweetest. He sang every bit of Jesus Keep Me Near the Cross, even the verses I didn't think he knew, along with the adults. It brought tears to my eyes. He listened to Daddy give the communion meditation, seeming to pay attention to it. He was such good company. I know it isn't always this beautiful, but wow - what an encouragement to me to keep working at consistency.

Sweetness

I am constantly learning the same lessons over and over. Tonight the remedial lesson was that Zack's behavior is always the best when I am the most consistent. It feels like "strict" and I have a tendency to want to cut him some slack. He's tired, we've drug him around on errands all day, he's been sick all week, just give a little from what I said. Unfortunately, that seems to backfire. He even reminds me while I'm letting him do whatever that "Mommy, you said we couldn't do this and we're doing it." Yikes, no slack for Mommy.

Tonight I did the empathy with consequences thing, the method we try to stick to, over the smallest thing. That caused a meltdown, and then I followed up with the empathy with consequences thing again. He emerged from the tears the sweetest boy ever. We had a fabulous rest of the evening, despite being sick, drug around and tired. He was as cuddly as he has been in a long time. He was obedient and even resilient to a change in plans. We talked about feelings - something rare that I suspect will get rarer. And now he's sleeping peacefully and I'm trying to hold this in my head for tomorrow - a consequence that can teach me something.